A Moment of Reflection for the 2010 MTV VMA Awards

The 2010 MTV Video Music Awards has come and gone. This year’s VMAs were filled with an abundance of weirdoes, sick light shows, WTF moments and bad jokes. Like with most award shows, the performance by the host was like watching someone slowly drown in an ocean of time. Chelsea failed miserably at trying to deliver quips and puns poked at many of the artists who were sitting in her face and not on their living couches 1000s of miles away. Before we go any further let’s get into a quick re-cap for those who elected to utilize 3 hours of their Sunday evening doing something more constructive like clipping their toe nails or maybe even sleeping.

Re-Cap:

Eminem opened the VMAs by performing his two smash hits “Not Afraid” and “Love the Way You Lie” ft Rhianna. The audience was captivated and shocked when Rhianna stepped on stage to sing the chorus. He definitely kicked the show of right, then bolted to his private jet headed to New York to get ready for his concert at Yankees Stadium.

Chelsea Handler’s entrance was classic. She mimicked the strange outfits worn by Lady Gaga by covering her head in a scale model of a house with a 1 car attached garage. The crowd went crazy when she flipped the garage door revealing her face. Unfortunately, the excitement stopped there. This stunt was the lead in to a boring predictable monologue laced with Justin Beiber jokes, references to Kanyegate …you know Kanye West’s interruption of Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMAs. She tried to make it more exciting by encouraging everyone to go wild and do things that the VMAs have never seen. Instead of the infamous lesbian kiss, kiss someone where only lenses of pornos have captured. Or maybe insight a riot of entertainers equipped with sawed off shotguns and brass knuckles

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Chelsea closed her monologue with the weirdest exit of all…by having hip hop artist Rick “Rozay” Ross pull up to the stage in a tricked out Hover Round and drove her off into a sea of 4 minute commercials. All in all, a boring start to what would end up being a pretty dull show.

First televised award: Best female video – Lady Gaga – Bad Romance

Jackass crew member rips off his lime green suit to show his underwear with a rubber ducky hanging from his crotch. Lead in to them presenting the Best Rock Video Award to: 30 seconds to Mars – Kings and Queens.

Young Justin Beiber…Beiber, Beiber, Beiber. Teenage kid, who has captured the hearts of many, put a pretty decent performance. Unfortunately, he lip sang through a performance filled with an array of pre-teen and teen dancers dressed like extras from “Grease”. The 50s style get up was cool, but the highlight of the performance was the Travis Barker like drum solo Justin smashed at the end of his set. He killed it…keep up the good work Beiber.

Next up Usher Raymond…Usher came out to a sick light performance that started with him entering on a scaffold full of LED lights. The light sequence got even crazier as he performed his two current radio hits, but the dancing was sub-par at best. You can definitely tell that Usher’s dancing days have come to an end. Now I’m still confused why he and his male backup dancers wore snowsuits on stage. They didn’t light up and they were leather; I guess he was trying to make some type of fashion statement…one that I obviously missed.

Next televised Award - Best Male Video: Eminem – I’m not afraid

Florence and the Machine made their VMA performance debut this evening and OMG, WTH, and WTF. No comment. It was like watching a performance of Age of Aquarius smashing into Lady Gaga, crossed with a regurgitation of utter shamockery. I really like how when their performance ended everyone was pretty much stuck in a clueless state of mind. Fade to black…head to commercial.

The worst commercial in the world goes to the N.E.R.D. ft Ciara performance. Honestly it was like watching a dude at the club cop a feel on a chick who he had no shot to get, but danced with him because he bought her a few drinks. The only thing good about the commercial was the hot new Chevy’s. There’s no need to go any further with this one; it was not a typical awards show performance by either artist and frankly it pissed me off by how horrible they were. Let’s move on…

Best Pop Video: Lady Gaga – Bad Romance

Taylor Swift was the first of the two Kanyegate performers to hit the VMA stage. Taylor Swift performance was a melancholy rendition of her thoughts staged in a desolate 60s style farm house. She sang “Innocent” which was her lyrical depiction of the upstaging events by Kanye at last year’s VMAs. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either. It was actually a bit mundane and very sad. I guess the point she wanted to get across was the whole incident left her feeling empty, alone and depressed, but she was open to forgive, forget and rebuild. 

Next up, Drizzy Drake performed “Fancy” with Mary J Blige and Swizz Beatz. Follow the theme of the evening, “lethargic performances” Drake did the best he could do. Halfway through the performance Drake and Swizz got real hype and it appeared the performance was going to go up one more notch, but it was another let down. It was cool to see the three of them perform the track, but in the end, it lacked excitement.

Best Hip Hop Video – Eminem – Not Afraid

Next collab of the evening was B.O.B, Hayley Williams, and Bruno Mars. B.O.B has two chart topping hits featuring each one of these artist, so it was cool to see them perform them together. B.O.B’s performance was filled with energy backdrop by images of galaxies far, far, far away. At the end of B.O.B’s performance, the set transition to Hayley Williams performing one of her songs. All in all it was actually a pretty good showing for the 3 artists.

Best New Artist – Justin Bieber *blurb* Beiber didn’t know where to go lol pretty funny and everyone kept pointing him in a different direction. He finally found his way and made it to the stage.

Let’s all stand up and let out a big YES!!!! Finally, Linkin Park hits the stage and performed “The Catalyst” live from the Griffith Observatory. They completely strayed away from the evening’s theme of mundane, drab performances by delivering something that one would expect to see at a Prague. It reminded me of the club scene from the movie “XXX” when everyone was going crazy and reciting the Anarchist poem. One word can sum up this performance…ENERGY. Linkin Park had nothing but BALLS OUT ENERGY…Thank you Linkin Park..thank you.

Video of the year – Lady Gaga – Bad Romance

Let’s have a toast for the douchebags!

Let’s have a toast for the assholes!

Let’s have a toast for the scumbags!

Every one of them that I know

Let’s have a toast to the jerkoffs

That’ll never take work off

Baby, I got a plan

Run away fast as you can

This chorus is fitting for the close of the VMAs and hopefully the end to Kanyegate. The second artist and the one responsible for Kanyegate, Kanye West hits the stage after a year of being in exile and performs ‘Runaway’. One can only assume it’s his way of bringing closure to not only Kanyegate, but KanAmber (his relationship with Amber Rose) and all the many rants Kanye has provide us throughout the years. Surrounded by ballerinas, Pusha T from Clipse and an all white theme symbolizing purity, Kanye ripped off another classic performance. The expectations were high and he didn’t disappoint. Let’s raise our glasses one last time and salute all the douchebag, asshole, scumbag, jerkoff moves we all make. With this swallow we will close the chapter on what was the 2010 VMAs.

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